


Just The Way You Are

by breathedeep222



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Asexuality, Discussion of Rape, Insecurity, Internalized Acephobia, M/M, Magic, Sex Magic, asexual!alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 20:01:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12991482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breathedeep222/pseuds/breathedeep222
Summary: Asexual!Alec asks Magnus if there's a spell that can make him want sex. That conversation goes about as well as you'd expect.(There is no violation of consent occurring in this fic, the boundaries of consent are discussed)





	Just The Way You Are

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little oneshot I wrote cause I couldn't get this idea out of my head.

"I swear Alexander, you should have seen his face! I think he might have shat himself." Magnus gasped out between laughs, struggling to be heard over his boyfriend's loud laughter. 

They were having a night in, eating dinner and drinking and making fun of Magnus's more ridiculous clients. It was good, it was always good when he spent time with Alec. There was no one else he'd rather be around. But as he watched Alec look away from him and fiddle with the stem of his martini glass for the tenth time that night he knew something was bothering Alec. He didn't want to push but he couldn't help his growing worry. 

"Alexander," he said softly, resting his hand over the ones tapping on the glass. 

Alec visibly jumped, so lost in his thoughts Magnus's move caught him off guard. 

"Sorry," he said, shaking his head. "I didn't mean to zone out on you." 

"What's bothering you?" Magnus didn't want to beat around the bush. 

Alec looked down, a light blush staining his cheeks at being called out. "It's not...you don't have to worry about anything. Nothing's wrong. Not exactly anyway. I just..." Alec shifted on the couch, leaving his drink on the table and turning more toward Magnus. "I want to talk to you about something." 

Magnus couldn't help it. His heart began pounding and he could feel his skin prickling in defense. No level of immortality made those words any easier to bare. 

"Oh. Um, of course." 

"Don't freak out!" Alec said, this time being the one to reach a hand out to calm Magnus. 

"I have to admit you're making that a little difficult." 

"It's not anything bad, I promise. It's not even about you it's..." Alec trailed off, looking away again. Magnus could see he was steeling himself and squeezed his hand reassuringly. 

Alec squeezed back and took a breath, preparing to talk again. "It's about..it's about me being...I mean, not wanting to have sex."

"About you being asexual," Magnus supplied. He saw Alec's face screw up at the term, as it always did, but Alec never asked him to stop saying it so Magnus was going to call it what it was. 

"Yeah." 

"What about it?" Magnus didn't know what he was going to say. He knew it was hard on Alexander when he realized he never felt sexually attracted to Magnus, and it was even harder for him to admit it. But Magnus assured him he didn't care. He had spent nearly a century having sex that didn't mean anything. He'd take a real relationship over sex any day. 

Alec took another deep breath and how nervous he looked was really making Magnus worry. 

"I was wondering if...I mean...there..." He paused again and then finally looked directly at Magnus again, and the pain being shown in his eyes made Magnus's heart clench. "There has to be a spell, right? That...that can make...that can make me want it?" 

Magnus felt his heart stop. He felt dizzy for a moment, as if the gravity of what Alec just asked him was literally turning his world. He stared in shock, not speaking out of fear of whatever might come out of his jumbled thoughts. Alec kept looking at him and looking away, waiting for his response. 

"Oh Alexander," he breathed, not able to hold back the heart break coating his words. He felt the tell tale pin pricks of tears forming in his eyes but he fought them back. "Of course there is magic that can do that." The tears became harder to control at the hopeful expression he saw at his words. "And that would be rape." 

Alec's hopeful expression turned to one of surprise. "What? Magnus come on. Don't be so dramatic." His flippant response made Magnus's stomach churn. 

"Alexander, think about what you're asking me." 

"I'm asking you to help me." 

"You're asking me to MAKE you want to have sex against your will! What else could that be?" 

Alec rolled his eyes. "You're not MAKING me-"

"You don't want sex. You want me to magic you into wanting to have sex. Using magic to make someone have sex isn't consent. That means it's rape!" Magnus couldn't help the pleading tone in his voice. He desperately wanted Alec to see how very very wrong this was. 

Except all Alec seemed to be was frustrated, maybe even verging on angry. "I do want it!" He yelled, taking Magnus off guard. "I want nothing more than to want to have sex with you. But I...I can't, physically." Alec waved a hand at himself. "You would just be fixing whatever is wrong." 

Magnus reached out and grabbed Alec's hand. "There is nothing wrong with you!" 

Alec laughed bitterly. "Oh yeah? And How many people have you had sex with?" He snapped, looking away. 

Magnus took in a breath, more hurt by those words than he expected. The only thing keeping him from being angry was he knew Alec was in pain and needed understanding, not anger. 

"I had sex with all those people because I wanted to! If I didn't want to there'd be nothing wrong with me not!" 

Alec didn't say anything for a moment, continuing to look away even though his hand stayed entwined in Magnus's own. They sat in silence for a moment, both processing the others reactions. Eventually Alec turned to face him again, gorgeous eyes filled with so much anguish. "Don't you want to have sex with me?" 

All Magnus wanted in that moment was to take Alec's pain away and make him happy again. But what Alec was asking of him was unacceptable and he held firm. 

"No," he said, shaking his head. The surprise on Alec's face told him that wasn't the expected answer. "I have zero interest in having sex with you if you don't want to." 

"How?" Alec asked. "You obviously like sex. How can you honestly say you don't want to have sex with me? What, are you relieved I don't want to have sex with you? Am I that repulsive?" He muttered under his breath. 

Magnus needed to get a grip on this conversation because it quickly spiraled out of control. He scooched forward on the couch and rested his hand on Alec's chin, turning his face. "You are beautiful Alexander. And very sexually attractive, and I am very attracted to you. But I don't care about that." He could see Alec open his mouth to protest and held a hand up to silence him. "I've had sex with thousands of people, remember? And sex is good, great even, but it could never compare to being with you, Alexander. Talking to you, going on dates, cuddling on my balcony and telling you my problems." He ran his thumb across Alec's jaw. "Those are the things I want. A real relationship with you. I don't need sex for that." He waited, thinking maybe this time his point would get across, but was disappointed. 

"I know that," Alec admitted. "But why settle for just that when you can have everything." 

And that, that finally made the tears fall. Magnus didn't open his heart to anyone in decades and here was the man who ripped straight through all his walls without even trying, saying that Magnus was _settling_. His amazing Alexander hated a fundamental part of himself so much he was asking Magnus to change it. And he understood that, better than most, which made this conversation all the more horrible. 

"No! No no Magnus please don't cry." It was Alec's turn to cup his face. "I didn't mean to hurt you I just. Think about it Magnus. This will be better. If I couldn't get it up or something and you used magic to help me with that it wouldn't be a big deal."

Magnus sniffled, trying to gain controls of his tears again. He couldn't believe the level of self loathing Alec must be experience to keep arguing with him about this. He had no idea his boyfriend held so much resentment. 

"That isn't the same thing Alec! I would be helping you fix something wrong!" 

"Which is exactly what you'd be doing now!" 

"There is NOTHING wrong with you!" Magnus insisted, using his free hand to wipe at the tears he couldn't get a grip on. "I wouldn't be helping you. I'd be changing a fundamental part of who you are. That is the opposite of helping you." 

Alec pulled away from him and leaned into the other side of the couch, head in his hands. "I shouldn't have asked you," he muttered, looking down at the floor. 

Magnus didn't think anything could make this conversation worse but that did it. He felt like someone pushed him off a roof, stomach dropping out from beneath him. What Alec just said terrified him. He knew it would be easy to find a warlock to do that. It's been a popular service for as long as there's been magic, or some version of it. But Magnus had always refused to do magic like that, no matter what the price. And the thought of some other warlock who didn't give a shit about Alec going in and messing with his head like that scared him to no end. Even if Alec did go through with something like that, Magnus would never have sex with him after this conversation. But even if it wasn't Magnus it could be someone else. And if Alec had that done to him and still never had sex with anyone it wouldn't change him turning to magic to alter his sexuality. The problem was Magnus had no idea how to make him see that. 

For a minute, he felt hopeless, no clue how to make Alec get this idea out of his head. But then it came to him. 

"Fine!" Magnus said suddenly, startling Alec. "You want me to use magic to help you? I will." He took a minute to admire the disbelieving look on Alec's face, knowing it was about to get worse. "I'll make myself asexual!" Magnus said cheerily. 

"WHAT?" Alec sat up, looking directly at Magnus for the first time in awhile. "You can't do that!" 

Magnus shrugged, feigning innocence. "Why not? I won't have any sexual desires, and then you won't have to worry about me 'settling' because I won't want anything you don't want."

"No Magnus! You can't do that. You can't change your sexuality like that!"

"Why? It'd be the perfect compromise. I don't have to use that kind of magic on you and you don't have to worry about me missing anything." 

"But...but..." Alec looked hilariously confused for someone having his own argument used against him. "But if you do that you won't be you!" 

Magnus felt the slow smile spread across his face as he saw the realization appear on Alec's own. "Exactly Alexander. In my case there isn't even a consent issue, but it still wouldn't be right, would it?" 

Alec looked away again, cheeks flushed. "It's not really the same," he tried to argue, but it was clear his heart wasn't in it. "You're normal." 

"Hey, who's the resident sex expert in the room?" Magnus joked, glad to get a smile out of his boyfriend. He cupped Alec's face again and touched the corner of his mouth, thinking about how much he missed that smile even though it was only gone for a few minutes. "Trust me you're normal. Maybe more rare, maybe there's less asexual people in the world than other sexualities, but there isn't even a good way to know that with all the pressure people face to have sex. But even if it were true that doesn't make you abnormal. It's completely natural, Alexander." 

Alec grabbed the hand cupping his face and kissed it gently. "I, I want to believe that. But I hate being this way." 

Magnus swallowed and smiled sadly. "I know. I'm not going to magic that away either." That joke earned him a little chuckle. "But I can help you with that, over time. I understand how you feel, and I know accepting yourself can be difficult. But I love you." 

Alec pulled him in for a kiss and if Magnus thought he felt the residue of tears that weren't his own he wasn't going to mention it. Their mouths separated but they kept their foreheads pressed together. 

"I love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
